Previously I mentioned this year has pretty much sucked. Let me enlighten you.
I remember being a kid and waking up from a terrible dream of my parents dying. I don't remember the dream now, but I remember my Nana telling me that we all die and when her husband died, a lady told her she needed to face it. She needed to quit saying phrases like "he passed" and come to terms with the fact that he had died. It didn't make much sense then, but I took it to heart and told myself I wasn't going to say things like "passed" or "left us." I say them now for other people's benefit, not mine.
My dad died.. It sucks. Man it sucks. The feelings I felt at the time and the feelings I deal with daily are impossible to describe. I miss him and I want him back, but I can't have my way. I have to face the facts. There is nothing that people can say to make you feel better. The apologies and condolences are nice. The stories people share only make you miss me miss him more. Though, I do love to hear what other people have to say about him.
I have lost uncles, friends, and grandmothers in the past, but none of those losses compare to the loss of a parent. Knowing I will never hear his voice again. I will never see his smile again, I will never see him face to face again.
John 14 says: “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God;[a] believe also in me. 2 In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?[b] 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. 4 And you know the way to where I am going.”[c] 5 Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also.[d] From now on you do know him and have seen him.”
It has been almost 2 months. The saying is "Time heals all" is showing somewhat true. It gets a little easier, but not much. Be thankful for what you have. I spent the last 1 1/2 yrs of my dad's life with him not talking to me. He got sick and finally got over whatever he was made about. That is the second worst thing ever to happen in this situation. The first being him not talking to me and dying.
I am thankful for the time I had with him. Although a strict man, he made me who I am and I am pretty happy with who I am. I got many of his bad traits, but I got so many of his good ones also. He will live in me.
Life is what it is. Life is what you make it.
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